she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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