me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
