my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
do herpes really smell.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
