i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Randomize
