so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
