Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
