i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
