just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
