i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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