I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Less talking, more tequila
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize