Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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