It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I want a musical about memes.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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