Plan B is the new Plan A
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
