They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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