My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
