I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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