Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Its about making memories worth repressing
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
