I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
