Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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