3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
