Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Slut skills are useful in every country.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
