Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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