Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
