he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
