after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
