Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Randomize
