What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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