There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
