So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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