Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
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