wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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