Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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