Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
