and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
