my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
