i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
