yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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