just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
