Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
