yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Vodka?
Forever.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
