thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
