We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
