i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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