you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
