Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
