I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
