note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
