Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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