I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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