Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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