If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize