Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
