did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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