and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
