sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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