I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i believe in u and ur pee
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
