I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
