Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
