I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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