There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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