i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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