He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
