There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I AM VODKA MAN
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
