I will die if light touches me.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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