I'm eating all of the evidence.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
