No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
time to smoke my breakfast
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
this will be a night to untag.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize